By Melissa Wakhu
The way we women perceive success in men cannot just be described in one word; it would be more befitting to describe it in layers.
The first layer is the icing on the cake; it is the first impression, the top layer, what the eye sees and the five senses experience. For this layer, the successful man is one who is as intriguing as he is attractive; a man with a confident gait, every stride communicates that he is sure of his destination and certain that he will get there no matter what.
When he speaks, he is an articulate communicator and witty in the way he expresses himself. His physical appearance is defined by a clean look, fresh fragrance and a sense of fashion, with a taste that suites and compliments his physique.
Peeling off this top layer should reveal his character. A man who is a visionary leader, who tenaciously works hard to attain his goals and is passionate as he applies himself. He is not afraid to take risks and toils with full focus and acceleration yet he also knows the right time to pull back, slow down and pace himself.
When he takes stock, he honestly analyses his weaknesses, acknowledging them and growing from life’s experiences. His physical strength and masculine presence offer comfort, security and defense, warding off any threats.
It should reveal an astute man of his word, who is dependable and you can fully count on him to fulfill his obligations and deliver on his promises. A successful man is one who is principled and his values guide his actions and choices. He is not afraid to say no and weighs his words carefully because he means every single one of them.
He is committed to stay the course and doesn’t cower at the sight of obstacles but braces himself for the challenges that life throws at him. He is a man who takes a stand and speaks out when his voice is needed.
He has lasting results built on integrity, innovation and investment in stable, sustainable and significant assets. Although he is focused and serious, he knows how to play hard, laugh deeply and take adventures that reveal the little boy in him.
Beneath this layer of character is the rock that cannot be dislodged, the tender heart of this warrior, the spirit that nurtures and feeds his character. His heart is evidenced by his love, which is exemplified in his words and backed by his actions.
He is emotionally aware yet not soft, his kindness is masculine and strong and he allows himself to be vulnerable when he needs to be but fights to get back up from it to face another day. His kindness towards others is informed by his empathy as he is aware of the needs around him and he expresses this generosity with words as well as in kind.
The heart of a successful man is relational and he is not intimidated by the intensity of love and the brokenness that it demands of him. He prioritises his family above all else. He invests in meaningful relationships, his friendships edify and offer accountability in the midst of the fun. He lifts up those around him by finding avenues to give back, mentor and pour out the wealth that is within him.
The identity and security of the successful man is not in the opulence of material things like wealth, titles and career, as these are temporary. His ego is defined by Him who created him and fulfilling his God-given purpose.
As women, we are patient enough to peel the layers slowly in the journey towards finding and growing with a successful man.
Melissa is an entrepreneur with a cosmetic line, Kono, and author of a children’s book, “The Wonderful Hibiscoak Tree”